October 30, 2004
« Free dinner recipe »
One of the benefits of being on Paul and Storm's mailing list are those little nuggets of comedy I used to send out when I was editor-in-chief of Scarred For Life.
PAUL AND STORM'S EASY DOWN-HOME PROGRESSIVE DINNER
- One (1) neighborhood. Not necessarily yours.
- One (1) watch.
- One (1) pair of boots made fer walkin'. You will be walking.
- One (1) pair of pants with pockets.
- Check the watch. Do nothing until the watch reads at least 6PM. Once
it is 6 PM, proceed to the next step.
- If it is past 8:37 PM, wait until the following day.
- Don boots.
- Start walkin'. Stop at any house in the neighborhood, preferably one
that is well-lit with nice landscaping.
- Knock on door.
- Demand soup.
- If person at door appears confused, repeat demand in louder voice.
Continue to demand soup until satisfactory product is produced. Consume
soup and then allow boots to walk to next house.
- If person at door is large or has a weapon, proceed to next house and
repeat the last step. Repeat as necessary until soup is acquired.
- Knock on door of second house.
- Demand Hot Pockets.
- If you do not receive your entree immediately, pronounce "Hot
Pockets" repeatedly in a rhythmic chant until satisfactory product is
produced. If person at door is large or has a weapon, blah blah blah...
- Once the item is acquired, place it in your pants pocket. You're not
hungry for that yet. You want salad first. Proceed to next step.
- Knock on door of the Smith family. You already know that they agreed
to provide salad.
- Eat salad, even if it has stuff in it that you don't like.
- Say "thank you". We live in a civil society.
- Now that you get the idea, repeat these steps, but instead of "soup",
"Hot Pockets", or "salad", substitute any food or drink that you
desire. Continue to progress through the neighborhood until you are sated.
- Bask in the nexus.
- If at any time someone demands food from you, give them the Hot