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Do you want to go to the Moon? I don't. The Prez does.

Do you want to know why I don't want to go to the Moon? Because there's nothing there. Besides, someone else already owns it. That's like trespassing or something.

No reason to go to the Moon. There's plenty of Earth rocks right here. If you're desperate for rocks, call me up and I'll be glad to throw some at your car.

Besides, playing Skies of Arcadia makes me wish we had six moons, each one a different color. That's the way to go.

Our moon isn't even named anything! It's just "Moon." What an uncreative title. Jupiter's moons are named after Greek mythology. Let's just set up a committee to give the moon a real name. It's more cost-effective.

Now that you mention it, our planet is the dumbest name ever. "Earth." The other ones are so cool! They remind me of an interplanetary superhero coalition:

MERCURY: The lightning quick criminal catcher
VENUS: The beautiful heroine with a fiery soul
MARS: The rugged warrior who loves Skittles
SATURN: The brilliant technician who drives a tiny car
JUPITER: The arrogant but successful businessman by day, tights-wearing masked man by night
URANUS: The half-man, half-walrus with unstoppable strength and bad breath
NEPTUNE: The artistic and free-spirited folk songwriter, kinda like Jewel
PLUTO: The loyal hound who sniffs out drug dealers and other dogs butts

Earth sounds like the ugly maid who cleans up back at headquarters.

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READ FURTHER ONLY IF YOU VOTED IN MY FUNNY NAMES POLL The NFL playoffs keep going on this weekend, so let's recap who I thought was going to be in the Super Bowl before the season started:
The Kansas City Chiefs and the Seattle Seahawks.

A big fat whoops on that last one. The Chiefs are still in it, and they seem to be the popular underdog despite having a first round bye, but I think they will beat the Colts because people have forgotten about Dante Hall, and the defense is capable of stopping them. The "Chefs" had a week off, 'nuff said.

The other AFC game has to belong to the New England football Patriots. I love the Titans, even Cullen has labeled me as having a Titan boner, but Tennessee is just one of those teams that is too banged up to lose, and the Patriots are way too hot to pick against them.

Let's switch conferences, and I'm going to give the Carolina Panthers a lot of credit for a great season. But this game is on turf, so the St. Louis Rams will win. Again, an extra week of rest gives the Rams the edge, and Carolina was one of those teams that I had a lot of players on my fantasy team (Stephen Davis, Steve Smith, John Kasay). Bulger doesn't lose at home, and unless Green Bay wins next week, St. Louis will only win this game.

But Green Bay will lose. The Packers are one of those teams that has been doing great in the past couple of weeks, but the only reason they are in the playoffs is because Arizona made a miracle touchdown on the final play of the final week. The only reason they won their first playoff game was because they played Seattle, who went 2-6 on the road. I am part of the media and I want to see Donovan McNabb succeed, and despite two key injuries, they still have two running backs and a stadium full of reckless fans.

Hey I picked all the home teams to win. They're not safe bets either, because I've heard a lot of experts pick Indianapolis, Carolina, and Green Bay. Not many are giving the Titans any "dap," and if they win, I will be pleased but shocked.

RANDOM FAR-FETCHED AND FORGETFUL PREDICTION: The Arizona Cardinals will draft Ben Roethlisberger, and they will win the Super Bowl in 2006.
- posted by Suss @ 1:15 AM | Permanent Link To This Post