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Clones, Pimp in the box here. I have plenty to burn on, let's keep it moving

(Just so you know, I will attempt to speak in Jim Rome dialect. Some of this was taken from Romey's smacktionary.)

First up, props to the young woman and young man who probably met at Uptown and were on their way to an empty dorm room. Before that, they shared an elevator with us. Their heavy panting and suggestive leers towards each other made it obviously clear that before we got off the elevator, they wanted to get off in the elevator. Unbelievable. Let's just say if the fire drill does off, we will know what set it off.

I just got a fax about Jacko's latest secret. Everyone's favorite pedophile allegedly gave children wine disguised in soda cans, and called it "Jesus Juice." Come on Jacko. You're better than this. It's bad enough you fondle little boys in bed, but now you want to get them slammed so they're inhibitions go away? Unbelievable.

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This year's Celebrity Dead Pool is finally up, and not a minute too soon. Hundreds of internet geeks and porn addicts have joined together, ante up some jack, and bet on who's gonna die. Great. What's next, playing poker and using corpses instead of chips? It's all about decency, and despite the fact that Sussman's picks completely suck, now we have to wonder if the winner of the dead pool had a hand in the deaths that guy picked. Unbelievable.

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The BG News reinstated the columnist/editor who ripped on a missing kid in an effort to "make a point about the serious issue of alcohol." Come on M-Suss. Everybody knows drinking is wrong, but everybody does it. Everyone handles it pretty well, but the dumb ones shouldn't ruin it for the rest of us. Getting slammed at a party is different from going out, getting behind the wheel, and crashing into a family going to church. Get real.

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Local sociology major Matthew Cary has launched his new website, "Matt's Bubble." Simply hilarious. All we need is another website about some guy's opinions on who knows what. Maybe Matt Cary doesn't realize that he's Matt Cary. Maybe he doesn't realize that his sociology major gives him any credibility towards whatever he says. It's sad when the number of FAQ's outnumber the number of hits on your website. Nice try, MC, but keep trying.

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Of course, at least MC's site is still active. Philosophy major Cullen Gatten's blog is updated about as much as the rules of becoming a member at Augusta National Golf Club. Heh. C-Gat, you're a philosophy major. Why don't you use some of that thinking power and actually, oh I dont' know, use it. Put down the cappuccino and start spreading your thoughts, because the customers at Starbucks probably don't want to hear your thoughts on Neitzsche, or even care who he is. Come on.

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RISING The Polish Digital Clock. What a hilarious idea. The numbers keep getting erased and re-written at the same pace of your computer clock. Whoever designed this site -- rack him.

FALLING The Bowling Green basketball team. I know you played UT and Kent State back to back, but you gotta win one of those games if you want to have a snowball's chance of making a huge statement in the MAC tournament. You play in the MAC and you get smacked back to back. And Dan Dakich is whack.

No time for the Huge Call of the Day. The clones will have to talk to themselves, because there is no time and I am huge. That's all for the day, I would like to thank Blogger for providing me with the huge blog, this has been an epic post, I am OUT!
- posted by Suss @ 2:31 AM | Permanent Link To This Post